It is important to face our inadequacies directly and without too much dodging. They are real, they matter, take a good look at them whenever you can. Actually, getting a chance to really see your inadequacy is a rare gift to which we are generally blind. After all, if you could see your faults clearly, you would probably work to clean them up. Glaring inadequacy generally denotes a blind spot, right?

The last time I saw my grandfather alive was Thanksgiving 1997. I sat next to him at dinner and during the meal, I can't imagine what possessed me--our family is somewhat less than touchy feely, I reached over and rubbed his back. He paused in a way I'll never forget, the way a dog will. He said, "Oh, that feels good." I don't think anyone had spontaneously touched the man in years.

The last time I saw my great aunt, Granddaddy's sister, was in a hospital bed six months later. We all kept trying to force her to wear her oxygen mask-- I think every adult in the room was in some form of denial that she was dying. She had been so consistently living for so long, it just didn't seem possible for her to actually die. I leaned over her bed and gently put the tube back under her nose. She affixed me with a hard stare, loving and stern, and said, "Go do your homework!" Her last words to me, she died within two hours, after we were gone.

It bothers me a lot, how I never did enough for either of them. That's the plain truth. Yet today I'm also reminded, it is never possible to fully do enough for everyone you love. Most of us work so hard most of the time, and barely even take well enough care of ourselves. It is an ironic and universal truth that taking better care of yourself will almost always result in better care of those you love. I'm guessing the Dalai Lama has only said this a million times in a million different ways.

So be kinder, yes, but especially to yourself. We are all doing, more and less, the best we can.

His holiness: "We humans have existed in our present form for about a hundred thousand years. I believe that if during this time the human mind had been primarily controlled by anger and hatred, our overall population would have decreased. But today, despite all our wars, we find that the human population is greater than ever. This clearly indicates to me that love and compassion predominate in the world. And this is why unpleasant events are "news"; compassionate activities are so much a part of daily life that they are taken for granted and, therefore, largely ignored."