Riley has asked me to keep blogging. She's asked over time, more than once. She asked again, last night, after watching old home videos of our family when the kids were babies.

I should blog right now about my experience of watching those videos. When we turned them off (there is far too much footage to watch in one sitting) I fell in a puddle in Joe's lap, sobbing. I wanted, so very very desperately, to go back into that time and love the kids more, love them better, do a better job, and just see them again. Hold them again.

Damn, I'm crying again, such that I won't be able to type. *ahem*

I should blog about the million missed moments I have to catch up on. For instance, that Henry wrote a paper for a literature class last semester at Durham Tech that was so good his professor is using it as a writing example. The paper was titled, "What The Faulk?"

I should blog about wool -- an emerging favorite topic. I post on facebook where I should be blogging.

Last night Riley reminded me she wishes I would blog again and I said that I don't have anything to write about. And she said, "That's because you stopped writing." Damn these well educated kids who know so much. Ugh. In fact, I have enough to say that I don't know where to start.

I REALLY should blog about how unschooling has worked out. Scratch that -- that should go in the book which I should finish. So much should going around.

Yesterday morning I was standing just outside the kitchen door photographing a wool blanket. Ry knocked on the window, maybe to ask what I was doing. Possibly to mock? I silenced her pretty quick, though, by turning the camera around.

"She's got a light around her. And everywhere she goes a million dreams of love surround her. Everywhere."

Oh my God, I love you so much, Girl. I love you and your brother so much it occasionally staggers me. It almost hurts. I'm inferior to the task of loving you enough, of being a good enough mother. You're both so much smarter and kinder than I am. My gratitude that I get to be your mom is boundless.

Okay then. I'll begin blogging with my new favorite quote. Author unknown:

"Pay attention to who shows up for you and who you choose to show up for. Give those people your best. If they aren't lifting you up, forget them. Life is brief and beautiful and very hard for all of us. Forget your detractors, cut that energy off at the knees, you don't have time for that. You really don't. Give your best to love, put your energy towards that. If you're not helping to make life easier, better, more beautiful or just, then you are not where my thoughts are concentrated."