Not half as much as I love my kids, though. Afternoons are reserved for them. This afternoon I'm sitting in a coffee house in a cushy leather chair under nice natural light with a big glass of Malbec. Homeschooling teenagers has definite advantages. But homeschooling through high school feels, in some ways, sketchier than elementary school. You need strength of conviction because time is winding closer. If there is something you aren't teaching them you don't have much time to make it up. There will come a moment, soon, when those who are watching and care will exhale, either with relief or accusation. Either the kids will be well prepared to do what they want to do next, or we, or our method, will have failed them. That's the message repeatedly transmitted my way. But is that true? Or does it simply reflect an institutional way of looking at life?
Crossing the parking lot and parting ways, them for an afternoon hanging out with their friends, me for a glass of wine, something occurred to me. Homeschool isn't about their future. Their future is infinitely malleable; there is no time to cease learning. Homeschool will end up being about their past. We win not some ugly imagined schoolish competition over grades or external measures of success. We win what we get to keep forever: our relationship, the long happy years passed in shelter from stress and fear and unworthy authority, their selves formed in solitude with trust, warmth, love, and freedom. Whatever they do next, they get to keep what's already happened forever. And it was really really good.
yes yes yes yes yes.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't believe the middle paragraph..it sounded so much like me in a moment of despair and doubt, and I was so grateful for it, and yet, still incredulous because, as the next paragraph proved you so know this is not what we are doing. You know you did the right thing. Your kids shine and show every day their health and well-being and peace, their kindness and even-tempers, their depth of character and ability to love. Oh heavens, there area thousand careers they are ready for now. I am, of late, over it. We spent three weeks on the river. Every teacher was amazed by my kids, and I was muted by schooled kids. My desire for them to be able to walk in that world has withered. I am so glad we didn't put them in that culture. What we have, the love and the life we share, the walk we've taken has made all the difference. They may feel differently some day, I don't know. If so, I hope they forgive us our choices. I chose what felt like the very best for them, and I know you have too. It took courage and gumption, just like milking a resistant cow. Have compassion for those who kick. They have a fear, or a pain perhaps that we cannot see. But heck yes, don't let them kick you! Thank you thank you for walking this road with me. Thank you for our little world here. My gratitude runs deep.