A while ago....actually, every so often....I get a call from a schooling parent who is frustrated and considering homeschool for their children. We talk. I say all the things I've said here. I try to be a good listener, and usually they send their kids back to school anyway. Which is fine, of course. Only parents know what is best for their kids. But sometimes I am deeply struck by the dissonance between our differences.

One mom had a miserable teenager---just very very unhappy in high school. So we chatted. I explained that homeschoolers can graduate at 16 and go directly to college, if they like. They can do this in the traditional way, if they are academically exceptional. And some do. Or they can enroll in the local university as continuing education students. Or they can proceed to community college and begin working on the first two years of general university requirements there, in a smaller and MUCH less expensive situation before transferring to university. Of these, I'm encouraging my kids to do the later. Its a great deal, if you're interested in higher education. A lot of homeschoolers choose this route. Aunt Katherine, who was Dean of Students for two different colleges, most recommended this last choice. And she was referring to "college ready" kids. Imagine being 18 with two years of college credit done and arriving on campus as a junior. Or taking a break then. Pretty sweet choice.

When I ran down the list of common options, this mother balked. Her son is already taking A.P classes and is "on track for acceptance" at the local university. And there I heard it, the dissonance. I understood her words and her reasoning, perfectly. But I also heard what she couldn't. There is no win, no special ticket, no extra points for getting into college in any specific way. Life does not care, universities do not care, employers do not care. You get nothing for how you arrive in college. You only get a reward for graduating. The whole kindergarten to college assembly line is a mirage. It, by itself, counts for exactly nothing. And trudging dutifully through it all, start to finish, wins exactly zero. If school is working, great. If its not working, you get nothing but pain for your trouble.

Here is a true, rather sad, thing. Many of these choices are made out of ego. Ego and denial, because admitting the situation at school isn't worth following through might mean admitting one hell of a lot of time and life have been wasted---not only of your children's but of your own. That's a pretty big thing to confront and most simply won't. Not even to help their children find another way.

Harvard, Schmarvard; Why Getting Your Kids Into College Should Be the Least of Your Concerns:
Let me tell you something -- college acceptance does not make a person succeed, nor does it say one thing about your parenting.
You know what does speak volumes about your parenting? Ask yourself the following questions:

• Does your child have a compassionate soul?
• Does your child have a healthy dose of intellectual curiosity?
• Is your child resourceful and independent?
• Is your child happy with who she is?
• Can your child creatively problem-solve?
• Is your child passionate about anything?
• Can your child sit with himself and enjoy his own company?