Looking at a child who is obviously suffering and labeling their resulting dysfunctional behavior as developmentally normal makes their suffering invisible. Looking at the collective suffering of teenagers and labeling their resulting dysfunctional behavior as developmentally normal allows society to turn a blind eye to our own dysfunction. This is exactly how abuse is perpetuated and, as a society, we are doing exactly that.
School makes kids crazy. Then we label their crazy behavior as normal, shrugging as if to say, "That's just how kids are." That is total bullshit. And its done in the name of science and pedagogy, which is an ugly irony.
I am having such a hard time writing about deschooling. Am I making sense?
Yes, this makes sense...and...even unschooled kids act up sometimes, so, it seems to me that the onus is on me as the parent to clear away my dysfunction, so as to cause least harm. That was my point yesterday, With a great guide and leader, a child can discover their potential and thrive. This may be natural for you, since you may love unconditionally as a matter of course. It takes that, first. Add to it, trust, bucketfuls. XO
ReplyDeleteOh CC, I'm so grateful you're wiling to discuss this with me! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteDo normal kids act up sometimes? That is a great way to penetrate the heart of my argument. I've been working with kids my entire adult life. Infants, toddlers, and least of all teens. My experience does not support that idea.
Toddlers require nearly constant training about the rules of polite society. If you put that time in with them, as far as I can see and barring abuse or parenting mistakes, they grow to be lovely human beings who really don't misbehave anymore, by age 4 or 5. Make mistakes? Sure. Have misunderstandings? We all do. But real misbehavior? I don't think so. Not from what I've seen.
And that's my whole point. We've been taught to see kids as misbehaving. We SET THEM UP FOR IT. And then we call it normal. But its not normal at all.
I really don't agree with the idea of living up to potential. That sounds pretty darn schooled, to me. ??
Normal kids sometimes struggle too. But act up? Act out? I dunno. No, not really. Disagreements with us are not automatically dysfunctional on their part. They are part of a bigger conversation.
ReplyDeleteI get what you're saying.
Plus that whole living up to potential thing? That I have heard before in appalling context.
No. I reject that.
Thank you for everything you do. love, Va;
Potential too potent, okay. How about gifts? Also laden. How about "heart song?" The work that makes us feel happy, light, connected to our core...that stuff. The work that, even though it's work, is what we do really well and thrive at doing, offering tot he world...yes, as a gift, that makes us feel good. Whoa, well, you gotta get the Christian culture out of me altogether if 'purpose' and 'productivity' are also off the table.
ReplyDeleteI read a line today, "The cheaper your love, the greater it's value." Maybe you two are talking about unconditional Love and trusting the rest to the Universe. I dunno. I know very little.
Schooled, unschooled, home schooled, free schooled, church-schooled, whatever, if a child is doing something wrong (real misbehavior, sociopathic behavior you referred to in the last blog) something in their life needs to be fixed.
ReplyDeleteyes, it's true that school could be that problem because school does not have the time and unconditional love to fix such things. I found that anything on a large scale fails to really give people what they need.
I most certainly agree with you that school is ruining our children. I would even go as far as saying that our society and culture is ruining them. The school system is a mini version of our society that grooms them to fit in and labels those that don't do so as trouble makers and having something wrong with them. How many times do you hear "If you can't make it through school how do you plan to make it through life?" They medicate them. We give them food products instead of real food which DOES cause changes in behavior and even brain function. They live oppressed and told to obey, they are caged. No human deserves that.
A lot more has to "de" than just school.
Which is why it's good you blog about this, and I really do think more people are waking up and feeling desperate enough to make changes and take things like their child's education into their own hands.
I disagree with you on one point- that there is science to the teenage brain. I don't think i am being lied to when they say that they know the teenage brain goes through a major transformation comparable and just as important to early childhood. I remember my brain expanding to read more into a book and analyze it and wanting to know about philosophy and religion and much deeper things than I cared about before. I remember reacting to things more instinctually without too much care for possible bad outcomes. I remember wanting to stay close to my Mom but also pushing her away and then feeling bad about it. We know that puberty changes hormones and there is more crying and reacting strongly before thinking about it. Are these misbehaving? No. But ignoring the science of their brains (which also gives them great qualities like being passionate and not apathetic, making interdisciplinary connections, etc, etc) is like saying climate change doesn't exist.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHomeschooling represents the most profound educational experiment happening on the planet, since Prussian style schooling was established as the norm over a hundred years ago. What we have to teach the world about what kids need and how kids learn is profound. But we can't get that message across until its first okay to simply say: Hey guess what, there are huge differences. Simply acknowledging differences exist and matter is nearly impossible right now. Folks are hugely defensive, both ways. Because we all want to be right about our choices for our kids.
ReplyDeleteThere is a ton of science on neurology and pedagogy. All of it is flawed with regard to childhood development. Or, we could say, it only applies to schooled humans. Schooled humans are the only ones who've been studied in the United States.
To dear sweet amazing tender and lovely Phae, who our community has happlily thrown open our arms to embrace, I would say something kind of sad but important and, I think, true. I would say that institutionalization causes a form of brain damage. All the adults I know have this brain damage. Phae, you are lucky enough to be get pulled out well before any of us got free. Luck you, my dear. I am not bashing school kids. I'm trying to help adults understand the social, emotional, developmental, and intellectual differences between schooled and homeschooled kids. So we can help make life much much better for all schooled kids for always. Remember, I am a schooled kid, through and through. I want to make our society, our world, and our CHILDREN happier and healthier. And I think fixing what is wrong with school would help accomplish all those goals in one whack.
Also, CC, you're awesome. I love you. K
ReplyDelete