We never got around to reading stories in the park yesterday. But we did have a bunch of interesting conversations. One struck me, most especially. A mom with 3 kids, two of them teens, ages 14 and 18, said she thinks kids who are unschooled can be generally trusted to make sound safe decisions regarding their bodies. This is not a normal sentiment in our society. And it created some cognitive dissonance for me until she explained further and a light bulb went off in my heart.

For my generation, we were, most of us, put in school as very little children and we stayed there through college. Competition with one another was the backbone of our moral training. We were subjected to an unremitting stream of unworthy authority who taught us both, distrust of adults and disregard for our own judgement. John Gatto has written about unworthy authority: "The Six-lesson School Teacher." Our society has insanely low expectations of children in general and teenagers especially. We have these expectations after observing the results of 100 years of compulsory schooling. In which we unintentionally teach children misbehavior at every level, beginning with horrid examples from adults. The upshot of our long march through school is internalization: we now have to live with the petty distrustful competitive bastards inside our brains. PDCDs, for short.

My PDCD has been repetitively smacked down by the simple honest pure trusting love of my children. Love as I've never known it before. A love, apparently not at all unique to my kids, but rare in our society. For example, I constantly suspected my son of lying to me when he was a toddler, and also of intentionally hurting his little sister in small meanspirited ways--the sneaky grabbing of toys, bullying, etc. You know, all the "normal" big brother stuff. Of course, I was projecting my PDCD onto him. Poor kid. He's never lied to or bullied anyone in his life.  I've tried to clear my twisted perception as fast as I can. But it still comes up in yucky ways.

I said to my friend yesterday that parenting teens is difficult because you want to them to be a little bit afraid, cautious is what I really meant, but also confident as they increase their independence. How can you teach fear in a healthy way? That is the moment she sparked a darkened light for me. She said that in 18 years of unschooling she's observed that children who are well loved, who have never been subjected to unworthy authority, who have never been forcibly separated from their own authority--who, in fact, have been repeatedly taught respect for their own authority, who have been taught through implication their selves are invaluable, irreplaceable, unique, and free, because they have been treated as unique invaluable irreplaceable and free human beings--these children don't choose to harm themselves. WHY WOULD THEY?

Let that sink in a minute. Self destructive behavior is insane. Its what caged animals do. Its what kids raised on false aphorisms, null morality, hopelessness, and chronic disregard do. If adults who have consistently proven themselves any combination of false, lame, dense, incomprehensible, selfish, and uncaring tell you what is good for you, what is important, or what has meaning, why would you trust them? You would not trust them. What if these adults spent 13 years teaching you your own judgement is suspect. What to do? Struggle forever, is what. My friend says she still wrestles with the candy bar on the table. "I know its not good for me but..." Sound familiar?

Any human can and will make mistakes. I'm not saying unschooled kids are robotically self controlled or successful. But consider a child who has grown up surrounded only by people who love them personally, who have their best interests at heart. A child who generally mostly feels happy, optimistic, safe, and free. This is not a portrait of self destructive insanity.

Don't teach fear. And don't allow unworthy authority any purchase. Just love the children. Education should always come back to love.

"None of this is inevitable, you know. None of it is impregnable to change. We do have a choice in how we bring up young people; there is no right way. There is no "international competition" that compels our existence, difficult as it is to even think about in the face of a constant media barrage of myth to the contrary. In every important material respect our nation is self-sufficient. If we gained a non-material philosophy that found meaning where it is genuinely located -- in families, friends, the passage of seasons, in nature, in simple ceremonies and rituals, in curiosity, generosity, compassion, and service to others, in a decent independence and privacy -- then we would be truly self-sufficient"