I love you Santa Claus. 

Santa lives in seclusion, surrounded by animals, crafting. I can relate. Once a year he enjoys giving away all of his toys just for the fun of it, because children rock, and acts of love are a good thing in this world. Our culture needs the archetype of Santa, a spokes person for the deeper kinder side of masculinity. Santa is Rambo not. Maybe this new Pope is on Santa's side?

It gets complicated, doesn't it? As we sat happily painting, Dear Girl was cracking me up. She was talking back to the Christmas carols. Elvis sang, "Santa Claus knows we're all God's children, that makes everything right...Santa Claus comes tonight!" She responded, "For some more than others, I guess." The dark truth from such a bright mouth is funny.

And sad. Every year I wrestle with Christmas. I thought I might skip wrestling in 2013. I'm trying (really trying, Santa) to keep my eyes pinned on gratitude. Doing so helps make the season a lot brighter, more earnest, simpler. Gratitude allows me to lift my head out of my own butt. But what do my wondering eyes see? Other folks struggling, staggering irony, and my own feet marching along with the boy drumming as the god of capitalism prods us further in.

Watching a very dear friend back peddling, searching for meaning, trying to pin down what is truly important and right this season, it hit me. The issue of Christmas is similar to the issue of school. We were raised on it, our culture says its almost mandatory, nearly holy, our hearts quietly but relentlessly object, and pulling away is much easier said than done. Both are founded on myth. Both are well intended. Both are broken institutions. But don't blame Santa. Its not his fault.

"Then Ma told them something else about Santa Claus.
He was everywhere, and besides that, he was all the time.
Whenever anyone was unselfish, that was Santa Claus.
Christmas Eve was the time when everybody was unselfish.
On that one night, Santa Claus was everywhere, because everybody, all together,
stopped being selfish and wanted other people to be happy.
And in the morning you saw what that had done."
~ A Little House Christmas Treasury