Sunday, February 5, 2012
Its not called "non violent communication" if you always allow someone else to speak the difficult truths. That's called hiding. Its a form of dishonesty which allows you to use other people to do your work for you--emphasis here less on not taking care of yourself and much more on using other people. We should try not to use people. And *irony, if your goal is to appear loving at all costs* you really aren't loving your people if you are busy manipulating or avoiding them. No matter how much you smile, speak in soft I statements, and wish to avoid conflict. This is, albeit well intended, really lame behavior and weak character. Please consider if you are throwing your friend/partner/family under the bus while making yourself appear blameless. Not to mention, if you don't actually speak your truth, we can't actually ever know you. And what you offer the world instead is a smiling prepackaged hologram of who you wish you were. Nice try. But no.
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No clue what this is about actually, but it brought this to mind:
ReplyDelete"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit."
From Desiderata, which is basically my bible. Every word of that poem soothes me.
Thanks Candy
ReplyDeleteThe post is really not aimed at anyone specifically. Though, as a truth teller, I have been thrown under the bus more than once by very sweet smiling people who are happy to avoid conflict themselves (or the appearance of conflict.) And as a sort of addendum to extending love rather than judgment, I wanted to add that its pretty groovy when folks can also find the where with all, the courage, to speak truthfully and directly.
Jay is very direct too, and I had to tell him about a hundred times, "Do not put your head on the chopping block. Be quiet. Let it play out."
ReplyDeleteNobody wants to hear any of this. They'll discover it all in their own good time.
People are always quick to shoot the messenger.
It's like when an innocent-seeming kid drives another into a rage? Okay. You cannot drive another person to madness and then blame them. Own up, you little turd.
Truthfully and directly is good. But not too quickly. Things have a way of making themselves abundantly clear, given a little time. Once words are out, you cannot get them back again, even in light of more information and perspective.
But sometimes crap is just crap, and that's the end of that. love you so, Val
People are quick to shoot the messenger. Weird...
ReplyDeleteWaiting quietly while things play out can be a wise choice. And it can be a form of dishonesty and hiding. While things have a way of playing out over time, they also have a way of festering in dysfunction for years. And often things start playing out right after someone tells the truth, so...?
But its equally misguided to be too reactive and harsh.
I guess the balance resides in quietness, softness, and laser-like honesty. Which pretty much is Buck Brannamen...or the Dali Lama.
ReplyDeleteNot calling people out? It can definitely be a form of dishonesty. It can also allow dysfunction to grow, that is also true. I guess figuring out when to let things be and when to speak up is the important part maybe? love, Val
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