I am so loving the non adversarial relationship we have with our kids. Although they hate this phrase: "You're going to have to use your judgement." It pretty much sums up our parenting philosophy with teenagers. I'm not going to fight with them about sex or curfew or points of style. They have to use their judgment. They've been given solid information. The advice line to mom or dad is open 24/7. But in the end, its up to them to decide for themselves.
Since they never have to worry about hiding choices, lying, or being treated harshly for breaking rules, the kids are completely free to ask for help in all circumstances and about all topics. Or family is collaborative. Almost as if we are 4 adults sharing a house. And aren't we supposed to be raising adults here?
Sadly, I see a lot of exactly this: Ponyo, part 3. "Stop it, stop it, stop it, Don't Change!"
Tonight my girl repeated the line in a film e were watching. Her brother said, "Did he just say hat I think he said?" She responded flatly with an exact repeat of it, word for word. We all laughed, a bit shocked. She looked at us, bewildered. "What? That's what he said." Yes dear, it certainly is. It's just new to hear you say it. She laughed at us, Their growing up is at times a secret they keep from us, and at times I am okay with that game. It is not that I resist their maturing, it's that I want to at least stay the course, so that they can check back if they need to, just as you say, and compare their moral compass with home base. I can't say I am true north, by any means, but I can at least point to that star in the sky, as I recognize it. Your invitation here is well-received. It lands like a new idea and yet another buoy, or guidepost, along my path. Thank you, friend. I almost stopped by uninvited tonight and thought better of it.
ReplyDeleteWe weren't home, or I would have been delighted to see you yesterday! I hesitate to write too much about raising teens because I could become Helena Handbasket in the blink of an eye. Still...writing it down helps me see it more clear. xoxo
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